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Too much i' the rain

Tuesday, 24 April 2012 16:51:43

Tuesday, 24 April 2012 16:51:43

Well, it sat there for a week and I haven't had any fesh thoughts. So it'll go into the probably finished pile!

 

Blue skies

Brown earth

Where blossoms

Wide open like the mouths of chicks

Catch the sun

But yearn for rain

Which, when it comes

Brings its close friend, wind,

Stern, capricious and powerful:

Tulips and daffodils must make obeisance

Like powerless supplicants.

They can only bow

And wait to be released.



Too much i' the rain

Thursday, 19 April 2012 8:53:15

Thursday, 19 April 2012 8:53:15

I've altered the last two lines. Still not sure that 'released' is the right word.

Which, when it comes

Brings its close friend, wind,

Stern, capricious and powerful:

Tulips and daffodils must make obeisance

Like powerless supplicants

They can only bow

And wait to be released.



Rain!

Tuesday, 17 April 2012 12:09:04

Tuesday, 17 April 2012 12:09:04

Bit of a longer break than I intended there. But back at my desk now and thinking of plants, rain, potatoes...weeds...

Where was I?  Thinking about the way the tulips and daffs had bent in the wind and rain like pilgrims or supplicants.

Blue skies

Brown earth

Where blossoms

Wide open like the mouths of chicks

Catch the sun

But yearn for rain

 

Which, when it comes

Brings its close friend, wind,

Stern, capricious and powerful

Tulips, daffodils must make obeisance

Like powerless supplicants

They can only wait

To be released.

 

Needs some punctuation - but it's not bad.



too much i' the rain

Wednesday, 4 April 2012 12:21:01

Wednesday, 4 April 2012 12:21:01

Now of course it is at last raining and tulips and daffs are bent right over...

 

Just one adjustment to this - removing the 'the' from the last line:

 

Blue skies

Brown earth

Where blossoms

Wide open like the mouths of chicks

Catch the sun

But yearn for rain

 

before going on to think about the tulips bent over like people - who? - praying or making obeisance. There's a nice word. 



Too much i' the sun

Tuesday, 3 April 2012 9:59:31

Tuesday, 3 April 2012 9:59:31

 

 

I think another line after 'earth' might work.  I also feel a comparison with birds opening their beaks for food resembles plants yearning for rain.

 

 

Blue skies

Brown earth

Where blossoms

Wide open like the mouths of chicks

Catch the sun

But yearn for the rain

 

So I've deleted the line about roots...

 

 

 



Too much 'i the sun

Wednesday, 28 March 2012 15:09:41

Wednesday, 28 March 2012 15:09:41

Blue skies

Brown earth

Wide open blossoms

Catching the sun

Roots in the soil

Not catching the rain

 

 

Is my starting point, complete with contrasts.  My next thought is that a verb would be better in line 5.  Roots searching the soil.  But then what about ‘catching’?   Seeking the sun?   Not finding the rain?  Then I lose the repetition which was what started me off.  Sometimes it’s good to say goodbye to what you started out with.



I am too much i' the sun

Tuesday, 27 March 2012 11:53:06

Tuesday, 27 March 2012 11:53:06

Thinking about contradictions, contrasts, being in two minds...   At the moment everyone (well lots of us ) are celebrating fine sunny weather - at the same time as knowing we desperately need rain.  So the enjoyment of blue skies is tempered by a desire for massive downpour over Easter.

Blue skies

Brown earth

Wide open blossoms

Catching the sun

Roots in the soil

Not catching the rain



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