I can hear a sound from childhood
A mixture of machine and animal
and recognise a steam train
Getting closer, closer, closer…
Removed the ‘I’ from line 3, replaced with ‘and’.
At the level crossing, paused, eager
I turn the engine off
To hear more clearly the chuff chuff chuff
And clank clank clank of rods
Changed the connection with clank clank line to
link it more definitely with the previous line and the positive image.
Before the contrast:
It’s here! A great black beast vomiting
Choking clouds of smoke and cinder
A dragon monster breathing fumes
with glints of brass and steel
I’ve altered quite a bit here. ‘Vomiting’ is a
fierce choice but I think it works.