My
desire for order has driven me to see what a four line verse structure might
look / feel like. The first four would be:
I
remember we drove up in darkness
And
I took over somewhere near Cavan
Because
you were falling asleep
And
the weather came down foul
We
crossed the border
by
intimidating metal walls
And
armoured look-out towers
Continued
across .... and into Donegal.
The
rain was lashing on the windscreen
And
my head was pounding too
Hour
on hour and little towns
Of
pubs and scattered towns
Another
hour of moorland roads
Wet
sheep and boulders
Into
Ardara and the final leg
All
the houses were asleep
I
like this. Now I’m interested in making further changes:
From
Dublin we drove up in darkness
And
I took over somewhere near Cavan
You
were – ( tried various alternatives here and not happy with any of them yet)
And
the weather came down foul
Some
significant changes in this next verse. More geographical detail seems to fit
the nature of this travel poem. Through gives a better feel of what it was like
and ‘overlooked’ describes exactly how it felt – though I’m not sure if we
could in fact see them at night – but we knew they were there.
We
crossed the border at Corgreagh
Through
intimidating metal walls
Overlooked
by armoured look-out towers
Continued
into Donegal via Pettigoe.
The rain
lashed on the windscreen
And
my head was pounding too.
Hour
on hour of little roads (– why did I put ‘towns’ twice? I don’t think it
benefits from repetition.)
Of scattered
towns and pubs.
Another
hour of moorland roads,
Wet
sheep and boulders, then
Into
Ardara and the final leg
While
the houses were asleep (Tried ‘when’ and ‘where’. Prefer ‘while’.)