The Poetry Place

WILD VI

Friday, 25 January 2008 12:52:06

Friday, 25 January 2008 12:52:06

There's a little round robin
and a really round wren.
The wren is rounder than the robin
but the robin's redder than the wren!

Some say the robin is a sweeter tweeter
but the wren's the doyen of song.
She's a round yo-yo of feathers;
she's a little bomb of sound!

The blackbird is a handsome fellow
And his song is pretty good.
The thrush can sing a mellow ditty
When she's in a skittish mood.

In the last verse I wanted to return to the robin and the wren to give the poem a sense of completion - of roundness even.  I struggled with bettered and wondered if it should be beaten. Happy with cocky, because it reminds us of cock-robin and the robin is a cocky little bird. Still hovering over wily, though. The wren is much more shy - but does wily give the right impression? I really do want to have that alliteration!

But the little round robin
And the even rounder wren
Sing a song that cant be bettered:
Cocky robin, wily wren.

 



WILD V

Wednesday, 23 January 2008 17:24:23

Wednesday, 23 January 2008 17:24:23
I've spent some time looking at the birds in the garden...  We have a visiting pheasant who's very fine!   But still trying to decide how to finish this little poem.  Sometimes things just have to be left for a while.


WILD IV

Tuesday, 22 January 2008 16:14:54

Tuesday, 22 January 2008 16:14:54

I've altered the first verse a little bit and put in some punctuation. The third verse is fairly straightforward and is the first to have a end-line rhyme. Otherwise I like the way the rhymes and part-rhymes are scattered through the poem a bit like birds around the garden.

There's a little round robin
and a really round wren.
The wren is rounder than the robin
but the robin's redder than the wren!

Some say the robin is a sweeter tweeter
but the wren's the doyen of song.
She's a round yo-yo of feathers;
she's a little bomb of sound!

The blackbird is a handsome fellow
And his song is pretty good.
The thrush can sing a mellow ditty
When she's in a skittish mood.

Now I just need a way to finish it off!



WILD III

Monday, 21 January 2008 14:13:40

Monday, 21 January 2008 14:13:40

There's a little round robin
and a little round wren
the wren is rounder than the robin
but the robin's redder than the wren

some say the robin is a sweeter tweeter
but the wren's the doyen of song
she's a round yo-yo of feathers
she's a little bomb of sound

You can see I've been messing around with little alterations. It's sound and rhythm I'm trying to get right - well, not 'right' but pleasing to my ear, at least.

I'd like an extra syllable in the first 2 lines. And I'm not sure about yo-yo. Our wren hops up and down a lot but perhaps not qute like a yo-yo. A yo-yo has the roundness I want, that's why it occurred to me.  Sometimes you end up compromising...

 



WILD II

Friday, 18 January 2008 15:31:41

Friday, 18 January 2008 15:31:41

Unfortunately it's been raining and the wren is hiding. No opportunity to wander round the garden either. Nevertheless, some words have been bouncing around:

some say the robin is a sweeter tweeter
but the wren is the doyen of sound/song
the round ....something...  of feathers
like a little bomb of song / notes / sound

Perhaps doyen is too grown up for this age group. Perhaps the odd ununusal word is OK. Playing around with the sounds and swapping words about - I could do with some fridge magnets. No, REAL ones!



WILD! - writing for 7-11 year olds

Thursday, 17 January 2008 15:58:45

Thursday, 17 January 2008 15:58:45

I've been asked to send some poems for possible inclusion in an anthology to be called 'Wild' - a collection for 7-11 year olds. I've sent some already, mainly from my Stegosaurus is for Life collection, but I have some half thought through ideas and it seems that this is the place to share them - even if the audience is younger than the students most of the readers might be teaching.  Asking students to write for that audience often has surprisingly creative outcomes, though.

I want to write about wild creatures which are close to me physically and also ones I have great affection for - i.e. birds in our garden. The two I have in mind at the moment are the robin and the wren. Their song is always charming - the wren in particular.  How to get that across?  I also want to play with sound myself...

There's a little round robin and a little round wren

is how I began - and that went round n my head as I was driving, and trying to go to sleep (though not at the same time) until a bit of a tongue twister came to me:

The wren is rounder than the robin
But the robin's redder than the wren

I feel it's a nice, quirky start. But ideas for continuing are in a big round muddle!



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