The Poetry Place

Autumn Thoughts 7

Friday, 27 November 2015 16:23:58

Friday, 27 November 2015 16:23:58

My final version:

The acer is still aflame
Its red umbrella sheltering sparrows
Who ignore the rain 
And continue inspecting the unkempt grass

The aspen waves goodbye
To multi-coloured leaves
Which make a mosaic on the ground
Yellow red and brown
Between lawn and compost bins

And a single robin enquires 
What I’m doing there.
Just taking one more look
Before the wind and water
Change things once again.



Autumn Thoughts 6

Monday, 23 November 2015 15:19:46

Monday, 23 November 2015 15:19:46

and a single robin enquires 
what I’m doing here…

just taking one more look

before the wind and water

change things once again.

I’ve removed the last line, changed ‘there’ to ‘here’ and added more about the observer, me, and brought it back to the wider canvas: the year and its changes.


Autumn Thoughts 5

Wednesday, 18 November 2015 16:16:39

Wednesday, 18 November 2015 16:16:39

So...

the aspen waves goodbye
to multi-coloured leaves
which make a mosaic on the ground
yellow red and brown
between lawn and compost bins

and a single robin enquires 
what I’m doing there
if I can’t turn over earth, just go away! 

I'm not sure what to do with the last 2 lines. I like the idea of the robin as it introduces another, different element.



Autumn Thoughts 4

Thursday, 12 November 2015 13:59:55

Thursday, 12 November 2015 13:59:55

I like the idea of the tree waving (as it does, more than the ones around it) so why not waving goodbye?   Perhaps 'make a mosaic'; apart from the alliteration, make sounds less formal. Should yellow red and brown be moved up a line?

the aspen waves goodbye

to multi-coloured leaves

which form a mosaic on the ground

between lawn and compost bins

yellow red and brown

/  and a single robin enquires what I’m doing there / if I can’t turn over earth, just go away! 



Autumn Thoughts 3

Monday, 9 November 2015 17:18:12

Monday, 9 November 2015 17:18:12

The acer is still aflame

its red umbrella sheltering sparrows

Who ignore the rain 

Carry on inspecting, (nipping, finding something in) the unkempt grass 


Deleted nipping etc
I like inspecting, reminds me of the ducks 'interrogating' in the previous poem but I don't think it matters as long as it fits what I want to record.
Perhaps 'continue' instead of 'carry on. I just prefer the sound of it.

SO:

The acer is still aflame

its red umbrella sheltering sparrows

Who ignore the rain 

And continue inspecting the unkempt grass

(I have also added an 'and')



Autumn thoughts 2

Tuesday, 3 November 2015 10:37:28

Tuesday, 3 November 2015 10:37:28

 

The acer leaves still hanging on, though those already fallen make a red shadow underneath.

The aspen leaves now carpet (cannot find a more original word) like snow the ground beneath. All's one red yellow tan duvet - there's an alternative!

Each leaf a mini river valley, tiny streams of yellow gathering towards the stem, flowing through red countryside.  Others almost purple, some blotched with black, but few basic browns.



Autumn thoughts

Friday, 30 October 2015 11:54:12

Friday, 30 October 2015 11:54:12

It’s an old topic, but I am fascinated by autumn and how it progresses. We’ve had some sunny slightly brisk days when kicking up the leaves is a pleasure.  Now we’re into blustery rainy days. Many leaves have fallen but many are still giving a powerful display. And it’s not all about trees. Plants are hanging on – some blossoms fading, others over and still others giving colourful displays.

The acer is still aflame  /  its red umbrella sheltering sparrows / Who ignore the rain / Carry on inspecting, nipping, finding something in the unkempt grass / the aspen waves goodbye to multi-coloured leaves / which form a pattern / a mosaic on the ground / between lawn and compost bins / yellow red and brown /  and a single robin enquires what I’m doing there / if I can’t turn over earth, just go away! 



A new poem

Tuesday, 27 October 2015 16:33:13

Tuesday, 27 October 2015 16:33:13

Faced with a blank sheet of paper, how do you feel?

Such opportunity!   

Do I wait for inspiration, the visit of the Muse?  Or just get on and write SOMETHING?

I'll sleep on it. 

 



Search:

Archived blogs

   [OPEN/CLOSE]  Parodies and homages


   [OPEN/CLOSE]  How to...


   [OPEN/CLOSE]  Sonnets


   [OPEN/CLOSE]  Topics and themes


   [OPEN/CLOSE]  Different types of poem


    Links

  • Poetry Archive
  • The Poetry Zone
  • Poetry by Heart
  • Forward Poetry
  • British Library
  • Poetryclass
  • The Poetry Society
  • Foyle Young Poets of the Year Award
  • Tower Poetry
    • We use cookies to deliver functionality and provide you with a better service. By continuing to browse our site you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Find out more.

      Don't show this message again.