The Poetry Place

Valentine - not an onion

Wednesday, 3 February 2016 15:29:27

Wednesday, 3 February 2016 15:29:27

I have changed the ending completely. The speaker is very much in control. There is something of that in every gift-giving: a certain kind of power.


Not a red rose or a satin heart

Or an onion

I give you a shoe
It is a cave awaiting a dweller
It promises support
like the arms of a mother

Here
It will hold you
Like a lover
It will move with you
Wherever you go.

Not a cute card or a kissagram
I give you a shoe
Its tight laces will remind you
Of close embraces

Take it
See how it fits
The soft leather holding you like a hand
But with restraint

Watch
You will want its partner
Perhaps I have that too

Will you wait
Or will you ask?



Not an onion

Tuesday, 2 February 2016 14:08:47

Tuesday, 2 February 2016 14:08:47

Still not entirely sure about the ending...

Inviting you / tempting you / Asking you...

- they all have very different connotations.

 

 



Valentine - not an onion

Thursday, 21 January 2016 14:21:45

Thursday, 21 January 2016 14:21:45

Not a red rose or a satin heart

Or an onion

I give you a shoe
It is a cave awaiting a dweller
It promises support
like the arms of a mother

Here
It will hold you
Like a lover
It will move with you
Wherever you go.

Not a cute card or a kissagram
I give you a shoe
Its tight laces will remind you
Of close embraces

Take it
See how it fits
The soft leather holding you like a hand
Inviting you to find its partner

I’ve avoided the temptation of a pun on sole / soul but I’m searching for an ending. Duffy’s ending is slightly ambiguous – a hint of something edgy perhaps.



Not an onion

Tuesday, 19 January 2016 14:59:37

Tuesday, 19 January 2016 14:59:37

The next part just flowed...

 

Not a cute card or a kissagram

I give you a shoe

Its tight laces will remind you

Of close embraces

Take it

See how it fits

The soft leather holding you like a hand

Leaving you ... wanting the other shoe?  Needing its partner?



Not an onion

Thursday, 14 January 2016 15:15:01

Thursday, 14 January 2016 15:15:01

Imagining a shoe - a comfortable one...

Not a red rose or a satin heart.

I give you a shoe

It is a cave awaiting a dweller

It promises support

like the arms of a mother / father?

Here

It will hold you

Like a lover

It will move with you

Wherever you go.

 



Not an onion

Tuesday, 12 January 2016 17:25:03

Tuesday, 12 January 2016 17:25:03

I think we have been here before, but it is such a satisfying poem to adapt.  I mean, of course, Carol Ann Duffy's 'Valentine'. It begins

Not a red rose or a satin heart.

I give you an onion.  

(You can look up the rest.)

 

So, without thinking about it at all, I have chosen...a shoe.

Not a red rose or a satin heart.

I give you a shoe

It is a cave awaiting a dweller

It promises support

like the ................     

OK? It's a start. I should have it done by February 14th!



New Year, new what...?

Sunday, 10 January 2016 16:40:40

Sunday, 10 January 2016 16:40:40

Well, I feel it's time for a new parody, or rather, a homage. A poem in the style / form of...let's see....

 

 



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