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Promenade - complete

Monday, 24 July 2017 15:23:15

Monday, 24 July 2017 15:23:15

Just in time for summer!  The final poem. It's unintended but I like the way the stanzas get shorter.

I pushed you in your pram 
along the Cleethorpes promenade; 
getting you to sleep was hard, so 
we strode up Seaview Street
and down St Peters Avenue 
and back around to Highgate.
You were half awake
or with eyelids closed but...  not for long.

That pram would seem old fashioned now 
and anyway prams don't fit in cars, 
but they were elegant and sprung 
like coronation carriages. Plastic
playthings hung from the canopy
and occupied you for a while, but not for long....

So long ago it seems and yet
The prom is much the same.
The sand still stretches far
And it’s a long way to the sea.
The tide is in for once. But not for long. 

Perhaps you'll push me
in my wheelchair one day
along a street that now
I do not know. I'll get to know it then
- but not for long.



Promenade

Tuesday, 18 July 2017 10:49:00

Tuesday, 18 July 2017 10:49:00

The 'not for long' refrain has led me to a kind of circular structure, thinking about how reversals of roles take place.

Perhaps you'll push me

In my wheelchair one day

Along a street that now

I do not know. I'll get to know it then

- but not for long.

A bit melancholy, perhaps?  But honest, surely?



Promenade

Monday, 10 July 2017 11:48:00

Monday, 10 July 2017 11:48:00

I pushed you in your pram 
along the Cleethorpes promenade; 
Getting you to sleep was hard, so 

We / I (?) strode up Seaview Street

and down St Peters Avenue 
and back around to Highgate.

You were half awake
Or with eyelids closed but...  not for long.

Quite a few changes here but I think it reads better. I like ‘up’, ‘down’ and ‘along’.

That pram would seem old fashioned now 
and anyway prams don't fit in cars, 
but they were elegant and sprung 
like coronation carriages. Plastic

Playthings hung from the canopy
and occupied you for a while, but not for long....

 

So long ago it seems and yet
The prom is much the same.
The sand still stretches far

And it’s a long way to the sea.
The sea still chill....

The tide is in for once. But not for long. 

 



Promenade

Friday, 30 June 2017 17:52:19

Friday, 30 June 2017 17:52:19

Added a final (?) line.  Not satisfied with it yet.  The rhyme of promenade and hard is too stark and obvious, for one thing.

I pushed you in your pram 
along the Cleethorpes promenade 
as getting you to sleep was hard 

Up Seaview Street and St Peters Avenue 
and back around to Highgate still awake
or with eyes closed but...  not for long

That pram would seem old fashioned now 
and anyway prams don't fit in cars, 
but they were elegant and sprung 
like coronation carriages.

Playthings hung from the canopy 
and occupied you for a while, not long....

So long ago it seems and yet
The prom is much the same
The sand still stretches far and (wide?)
The sea still chill....

The tide is in for once. But not for long. 



Promenade

Tuesday, 27 June 2017 17:08:40

Tuesday, 27 June 2017 17:08:40

Tightened up first stanza...  A start on what might be the final stanza.

I pushed you in your pram 
along the Cleethorpes promenade 
as getting you to sleep was hard 

Up Seaview Street and St Peters Avenue 
and back around to Highgate still awake
or with eyes closed but...  not for long

That pram would seem old fashioned now 
and anyway prams don't fit in cars, 
but they were elegant and sprung 
like coronation carriages.

Playthings hung from the canopy 
and occupied you for a while, not long....

So long ago it seems and yet
The prom is much the same
The sand still stretches far and (wide?)
The sea still chill....



Promenade

Wednesday, 21 June 2017 14:31:51

Wednesday, 21 June 2017 14:31:51

Some kind of shape taking place:

I pushed you in your pram 
along the promenade 
at Cleethorpes, for
getting you to sleep was hard 

Up Seaview Street and St Peters Avenue 
and back around to Highgate still awake
or with eyes closed but...  not for long

That pram would seem old fashioned now 
and anyway they don't fit in cars  
but they were elegant and sprung 
 like coronation carriages  
 playthings hung from canopies 
that occupied you for a while, not long....

(It wasn't the canopy that occupied you, so edits needed to that and to singular / plural mix-ups... SO:)

That pram would seem old fashioned now 
and anyway prams don't fit in cars, 
but they were elegant and sprung 
like coronation carriages.
Playthings hung from the canopy 
and occupied you for a while, not long....



Promenade

Monday, 12 June 2017 16:57:17

Monday, 12 June 2017 16:57:17

All in a rush of thoughts and words:

That pram would seem old fashioned now / and anyway they don't fit in cars / but they were elegant and sprung / like coronation carriages  / playthings hung from canopies / that occupied you for a while, not long....

I know the grammar needs sorting out but the gist of something is there. The rhymes / near rhymes of sprung, hung and long are unintentional but now that they are there, I'll work to keep them. 



Promenade

Wednesday, 7 June 2017 17:07:40

Wednesday, 7 June 2017 17:07:40

This is my starting point:

I pushed you in your pram / along the promenade / getting you to sleep / was hard 

Up Seaview Street and St peters Avenue / and back around to Highgate still awake

or lightly dozing / with eyes closed but...

 



Thoughts on a rainy Monday

Monday, 5 June 2017 15:23:53

Monday, 5 June 2017 15:23:53
Having archived 'The Jester' I'm mulling over the next poem. Something drawn from memory, I think.   I have the luxury of being able to think around this for a while before putting finger to keyboard.


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