The Poetry Place

Age Doesn't Matter Unless You're a Cheese

Friday, 16 February 2018 11:20:57

Friday, 16 February 2018 11:20:57

Well it's half term nearly over for some and I need to put this to bed as I'm going to be away for the next two weeks.

I worked hard to get this into a performance piece:

I went to the doctor with a cough and a wheeze

I’m feeling my age doc, do help me please

He said ‘Age doesn’t matter unless you’re a cheese

Take more exercise…’

 

I went back again with a pain in my knees

Can’t touch my toes, now doctor please!

He said ‘Age doesn’t matter unless you’re a cheese

Eat more spinach…’

 

Ate lots of greens – cabbage and peas

But - Green spots in front of my eyes – what are these?

He said ‘Age doesn’t matter unless you’re a cheese

You’re over-reacting…’

 

Having trouble with recall – is it amnesia?

It’s surely an age-related disease

He said ‘Age doesn’t matter unless you’re a cheese

Eat oily fish.’

 

So I thought

Maybe I am a cheese

That would explain it

 

Am I Roquefort, or an old parmesan?

Would I go best with olives or with parma ham?

Don’t care for Edam that wouldn’t seem fair

Rather be cheddar or some nice camembert

But whatever I am, from goat or from cow

I need to feel better than I’m feeling now

 

So I went back to the doctor, said ‘I’ve got a cure

Yes, I am a cheese of that I am sure

Like the cheddar in Lidl’s, I feel extra mature

Feel content in my rind, this smell is me!

I’m aged like a claret, I’m ripe like a brie

Now there’s blue in my veins I really feel free’

 

I’ve a word for the docs, those busy GPs

Age really matters when you believe you’re a cheese!!



Age Doesn't Matter Unless You're a Cheese

Tuesday, 13 February 2018 14:51:30

Tuesday, 13 February 2018 14:51:30

Having decided I am better off as a cheese, I need to speak to the doctor again.  
I have a good first three lines:

So I went back to the doctor, said ‘I’ve got a cure
Yes, I am a cheese of that I am sure
Like the cheddar in Lidl’s, I feel extra mature

And the final three of this stanza will have this as one of them:

I’m aged like a claret, I’m ripe like a brie



Thursday, 8 February 2018 10:50:03

Thursday, 8 February 2018 10:50:03

I'll leave line 3 for the moment as I'm confident I can make that work. I've tried several different last lines and may change it again but given that this is meant to be performed rather than read on the page, I think it will come over quite well.

Am I Roquefort, or an old parmesan?

Would I go best with olives or with parma ham?

.......................................................... fair

Rather be cheddar or some nice camembert

But whatever I am, from goat or from cow

I need to feel better than I’m feeling now.

 

I've also gathered some ideas for another similar verse...



Age Doesn't Matter Unless You're a Cheese

Monday, 5 February 2018 9:21:40

Monday, 5 February 2018 9:21:40

 

So what if I was a cheese?

Would I be a Roquefort, or an old parmesan
something something with parma ham
something something something
I'd rather be cheddar or some nice camembert



Age Doesn't Matter Unless You're a Cheese

Tuesday, 30 January 2018 11:40:17

Tuesday, 30 January 2018 11:40:17

So the first four verses tidied up, look like this.  But then for a change and an upping of the tempo, I think.

I went to the doctor with a cough and a wheeze
I’m feeling my age doc, do help me please
He said ‘Age doesn’t matter unless you’re a cheese
Take more exercise…’

I went back again with a pain in my knees
Can’t touch my toes, now doctor please!
He said ‘Age doesn’t matter unless you’re a cheese
Eat more spinach…’

Ate lots of greens – cabbage and peas
But - Green spots in front of my eyes – what are these?
He said ‘Age doesn’t matter unless you’re a cheese
You’re over-reacting…’

Having trouble with recall – is it amnesia?
It’s surely an age-related disease
He said ‘Age doesn’t matter unless you’re a cheese
Eat oily fish.’



Wednesday, 24 January 2018 14:32:14

Wednesday, 24 January 2018 14:32:14

Previous verse will end with doc's advice - eat more greens.

Thia seems to follow on.  

Ate lots of greens – cabbage and peas
But - Green spots in front of my eyes – what are these?
He said ‘Age doesn’t matter unless you’re a cheese
You’re over-reacting…

Then realised amnesia was a very close rhyme.’

Having trouble with recall – is it amnesia?
It’s surely an age-related disease
He said ‘Age doesn’t matter unless you’re a cheese
Eat oily fish.’



Wednesday, 17 January 2018 11:18:31

Wednesday, 17 January 2018 11:18:31

So here's the chorus: He said ‘Age doesn’t matter unless you’re a cheese'

To be preceded by some couplets, e.g.:

I went to the doctor with a cough and a wheeze

I’m feeling my age doc, do help me please!

He said ‘Age doesn’t matter unless you’re a cheese'

 

I went back again with a pain in my knees

Can’t touch my toes, now doctor please!

He said ‘Age doesn’t matter unless you’re a cheese'



'Age doesn't matter...'

Friday, 12 January 2018 16:56:31

Friday, 12 January 2018 16:56:31

Hmmm - very rough notes:

So if you’re cheese

You can age with the best

You can develop a rind

You can enzyme your zest

Put some...

 

I went to the doctor

I said what are these

Pointed to some....

Said what....

I’m feeling my age, doc

He said

Age Doesn’t Matter Unless You’re a Cheese



‘Age Doesn’t Matter Unless You’re a Cheese’

Tuesday, 9 January 2018 15:41:06

Tuesday, 9 January 2018 15:41:06

I want to write something inspired by the book in the downstairs loo ‘Age Doesn’t Matter Unless You’re a Cheese’ which would make a song as well as being a poem. 

I began very tentatively on a scrap of paper –

 

They say ‘Age Doesn’t Matter Unless You’re a Cheese’

I said / she said ‘But I’ve got short-sighted eyes

And a pain in my knee

I can’t bend over

And if I do, I can’t see

Need Can’t get an appointment to see my GP

He says: Age..etc.

Thought that over to see what it means

Maybe

 

Then there were thoughts about cheese

I’m not / I ain’t mozzarella, I ain’t parmesan

Brie or Edam

But I’m feeling Danish Blue

 

But this, like the cheese, needs to mature a bit.



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