I remember matlock Green too - becase one evening I broke down there, unwontedly, for sure. But enough of that.
Looking at the first lines, I've made a few changes. Having made them I went back to see why. Surely the wrong way round? But somethimes that's what you do - you don't analyse everything as you go along.
Saw has a rhyme with swore and is just a more accurate word. I saw on the display board that it was late. And late is just a more direct word than delayed.
Of mist the
there. A few people
went, someone swore
And all I knew
saw was that
coach train was delayed late
grass, bare trees, concrete
Concrete was important. Without it, too, the scene seems too rural. It was suburban rather than rural - and very dismal.
Unexpectedly marooned on Retford Station, I couldn't help recalling Edward Thomas's poem 'Adlestrop' and that started a kind of 'poem in the style of...' I jotted down the first thoughts that came to me on the back of a newspaper: