The Poetry Place


Monday, 21 January 2008 14:13:40

There's a little round robin
and a little round wren
the wren is rounder than the robin
but the robin's redder than the wren

some say the robin is a sweeter tweeter
but the wren's the doyen of song
she's a round yo-yo of feathers
she's a little bomb of sound

You can see I've been messing around with little alterations. It's sound and rhythm I'm trying to get right - well, not 'right' but pleasing to my ear, at least.

I'd like an extra syllable in the first 2 lines. And I'm not sure about yo-yo. Our wren hops up and down a lot but perhaps not qute like a yo-yo. A yo-yo has the roundness I want, that's why it occurred to me.  Sometimes you end up compromising...


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