The Poetry Place

Autumn Thoughts 3

Monday, 9 November 2015 17:18:12

The acer is still aflame

its red umbrella sheltering sparrows

Who ignore the rain 

Carry on inspecting, (nipping, finding something in) the unkempt grass 


Deleted nipping etc
I like inspecting, reminds me of the ducks 'interrogating' in the previous poem but I don't think it matters as long as it fits what I want to record.
Perhaps 'continue' instead of 'carry on. I just prefer the sound of it.

SO:

The acer is still aflame

its red umbrella sheltering sparrows

Who ignore the rain 

And continue inspecting the unkempt grass

(I have also added an 'and')



Please leave a comment:




Please note that posts will only go live following approval from the blog moderator.


Return to blog

Search:


Archived blogs

   [OPEN/CLOSE]  How to...

   [OPEN/CLOSE]  Sonnets

   [OPEN/CLOSE]  Topics and themes

   [OPEN/CLOSE]  Parodies and homages

   [OPEN/CLOSE]  Different types of poem



Links

  • Poetry Archive

  • The Poetry Zone

  • Poetry by Heart

  • Forward Poetry

  • British Library

  • Poetryclass

  • The Poetry Society

  • Foyle Young Poets of the Year Award

  • Tower Poetry


  • We use cookies to deliver functionality and provide you with a better service. By continuing to browse our site you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Find out more.

    Don't show this message again.