The Poetry Place

Offa's Land

Friday, 10 March 2017 9:31:24

So what does the octet look like now?

 

Offa’s land, the landscape of the Marches

Is rich in hillside, field and tree,

The panorama stitched together hurriedly

By lines of hedgerows and the odd stretch

Of wooden fence and hemmed by ditch and track.

Over the next rise, this garment’s torn:

The fabric’s lost its sheen, is all worn

Out - punctured by agricultural sheds and shacks.

 

I want ‘landscape’ in place of ‘panorama’ so the first line has to change. ‘Country’ works just as well or better.  ‘Hurriedly’ is definitely wrong.  ‘Quietly’ is OK but may not be the final choice.

 

Offa’s land, the country of the Marches

Is rich in hillside, field and tree,

The landscape stitched together quietly

By lines of hedgerows and the odd stretch

Of wooden fence, and hemmed by ditch and track.

Over the next rise, this garment’s torn:

The fabric’s lost its sheen, is all worn

Out - punctured by agricultural sheds and shacks.



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