The Poetry Place

Townscapes 12

Friday, 5 December 2008 11:40:00

Working on the first four lines, I turn to line 4 and realise that the logs were actually piled up on the window sill and that this gives me a complete line and a rhyme, possibly, if I rearrange the word order a little.

----(forgetting line 1 for a moment)-----
The Desperado beers are drunk and on
The --- tables crimson candles shone
Illuminating a log pile on the sill

Let's get rid of customers and have diners. The diners here were sober until...doesn't quite scan. But it can be fixed. All the diners here were sober till... which means I have to change 'are' to 'were'.  How does that sound?  Line 2 now needs changing. How about:

All the diners here were sober till
The Desperado beers were drunk. While on
The --- tables crimson candles shone
Illuminating a log pile on the sill.

Now on to the next four lines based on the sombreros and the hatless waitresses...

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