The Poetry Place

Townscape 13

Monday, 8 December 2008 15:46:27

Above the hatless waitresses in red / black?
And .... sombreros securely nailed
To the walls . how out of place in here

I think these form the basis of lines 6 7 and 8 and line 5 can be a continuation from line 4 which gives me the opportunity to explain that the logs don't get used. So log pile on the sill could continue:

Never to be burnt, at least not here.

That means line 8 ending has to change but that's ok as it's not very good. I used a rhyming dictionary and browsed for a while before settling on bandolier, which fits rather well.

Now we have

Never to be burnt, at least not here.
Above the hatless waitresses in red / black?
And .... sombreros securely nailed
To the walls: never saw a bandolier.

which needs work, especially if I'm going to get a rhyme for lines 6-7.



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